Self-Motivation

Some people are really great at self-motivation while others cannot do much without an outside source forcing their hand.  Personally, I think I am a pretty good self-motivator.  Whenever I have had a conventional job in which someone was conducting the majority of my day, I tend to be unhappy and frustrated, quickly losing any motivation.  But when I am allowed the freedom whether through commission jobs or just self-employment, my motivation can skyrocket if I am passionate.

Pretty much all of the work I do now is 100% self-motivated.  I work independently and rarely have outside imposed deadlines.  As a writer, I stick to areas that I can completely control.  I am even hesitant to pursue a publisher for my books as I worry about all the deadlines and such that must come with it.  The transcribing jobs I perform are always on my time and I have actively avoided anything other than such. 

On the whole, this works great for me. 

But then there are those moments when the passion slips.  When I don't feel like writing.  When getting out of debt seems less appealing compared to instant gratification.  When transcribing sounds laborious and Pinterest looks oh so sweet. 

These are the times that self-motivated income is not so great.  Over the past couple of weeks, life happened.  Illnesses and appointments and car searches and housework and so on and so forth.  During these times, working and selling slip far away from my mind until it all settles down and I look at my numbers. 

That is when the self-loathing comes in.  I begin to feel hopeless, like debt will forever exist.  I begin to feel like a failure, first for getting into this mess and then for not having the discipline to get out. 

But I have learned to allow those feelings...just for a little while.  I sit and sip my coffee, just feeling.  By just letting myself be with those feelings instead of fueling them, attacking them, running from them or being defined by them, they dissipate all on their own and within an hour or two, the motivation is back.

The debt feels beatable.

The work feels doable.

The income feels attainable.

I feel successful.

The self-motivation returns and I hope that life goes in a way which allows me to keep it, at least long enough to make another substantial dent in those frighteningly large numbers. 

But for right now, I am only going to focus on today and what I can do to save and earn.  Just today.  That is all I need.